Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
Randomize
