i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
