dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Randomize
