So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
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