The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Randomize
