I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
