I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
