If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
Randomize
