well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
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