I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Randomize
