I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
Randomize