I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
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