im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Randomize
