I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
Randomize
