Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
