i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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