It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
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