i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
Randomize
