So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Randomize
