I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize