So drunk its hurt
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize
