Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
Randomize
