The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
