One girl and one boy is just not enough.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
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