We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
How external is "for external use only"?
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Randomize
