So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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