It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
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