I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
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