Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
