Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Randomize
