why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
