I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
