Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
Randomize
