I am midnight drunk by noon
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
