i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
Randomize
