i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
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