the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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