I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
Randomize
