u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
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