My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
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