Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
Randomize
