so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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