dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
