Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize