It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Randomize
