I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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