the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
