Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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