last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
