is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Randomize
