I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Randomize
