i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Randomize
