True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
Randomize
