sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
Randomize
