All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
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