I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
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