he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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