I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
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