He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
