I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
