omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
Randomize
