I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Randomize
