The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
This is the high leading the old right now
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Randomize
