You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
