Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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