I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize