plz talk dirty to me
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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