my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Randomize
