You smell like a Billy Joel song
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
Drake has all the answers
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
