Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize