false alarm. still invincible.
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
Randomize
