I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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