Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
