My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
Randomize
