I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
