Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
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