she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
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