Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
