that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
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