Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
Randomize
