Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Randomize
