I think i peed on brittanys purse
do herpes really smell.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
PS: I just woke up from my shower
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
Randomize
