my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
