The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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