I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
Randomize
