Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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