The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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