...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
Randomize
