I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
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