I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
