Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
Randomize
