Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
Randomize
