There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
Randomize
