It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
