A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Randomize