As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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