ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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