My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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