Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
my god I love twenty year old dicks
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
Randomize
