My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
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