OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
Randomize
