You just made me feel so damn special
Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
Randomize
