You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
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