So drunk, too bad you don't want this
All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
...so i touched it.
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
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