Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Randomize
