What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
You have to summon your inner elephant
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
Randomize
