She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
I accidentally burped into my bong.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
Randomize
